


Delight?

by Aegrota



Series: A Singular Delight [2]
Category: EXO (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/M, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Demian - Hermann Hesse, Inspired by an interview, Pick-Up Lines, Post-Break Up, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:22:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28594686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aegrota/pseuds/Aegrota
Summary: Sometimes, we do things at inopportune times.But maybe times are only as perfect as we make them.Or, your new boyfriend looks like your ex-boyfriend you're still not over. But will that stop you?
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Reader, Byun Baekhyun/You, Kim Taehyung | V/Reader, Kim Taehyung | V/You
Series: A Singular Delight [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2093532
Comments: 3
Kudos: 3





	Delight?

**Author's Note:**

> I know I wanted to write a fic similar to Singularity? but with roles reversed, but this fluffy angsty hurt/comfort is what I came up with instead. I might decide to add a smut bonus chapter to this, but if not, this is finished work.   
> I hope you enjoy, and feel free to read Singularity? before this work if you want to see why I wrote what I did (also, that one is mostly smut ^_^)

When you were in high school, a boy with amber eyes broke your heart.   
You vaguely still remember the feeling, your fury, your powerlessness, your incredulity… and your hate for the boy.    
  
You never believed in the saying that there is a thin line between love and hate until then. But you did hate him.    
Perhaps it was the foolishness of youth to hate him, but back then, it took time and valiant effort to stop when you realized you didn’t like the person the hate turned you into.    
You finally healed when you stopped hating that boy.   
And you promised to yourself, swore even, that you will never hate anyone or anything ever again.    
  
You were a woman of your word, or so you thought, many years later, when you ran into that boy again and felt nothing but the good-natured amusement at how he hasn’t changed a bit.    
He was still the immature, mean-spirited, maladjusted boy who couldn’t see his place in the world. He was still the boy that would have broken a girl’s heart, but your heart has been immune to him for years and years now.    
Your heart belonged to someone else, a boy with puppy chocolate eyes and a boxy smile.    
  
A boy you happily returned to after the chance encounter with your former lover. You still remember the spring in your step from that day as you contemplate how the boy with amber eyes, for all his shortcomings, taught you the meaning of loving, not only others but yourself.    
  
You were wrong.    
Because the boy with the boxy smile was nowhere to be found when you returned to the apartment the two of you shared. His closet was empty, bathroom shelves filled only halfway, with your products. Only a paper with his neat, rounded handwriting remained:    
  
_ I’m sorry. I can’t do this.  _ _   
_ _ And I’m sorry I’m not telling you this to your face. I am a coward, I know. You have every right to hate me, but please know that I tried, I really did, but it just isn’t working.  _ _   
_ _ I hope you have a beautiful life.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Taehyung  _ _   
_ _   
_   
And just like that, you were back in a place from a decade ago, hating a boy who broke your heart.    
  
Hate is a tricky thing, you feel.    
Hate is like a virus, spreading, mutating, multiplying in devious ways, becoming more immune the more you try to ineptly fight it.   
Or is that what bacteria does?    
You sigh. A pest, either way.    
You now hate many things.    
You hate jazz music.    
You hate, even though it, more than anything, makes you feel like a monster, Pomeranians.    
You hate specific songs, certain colors, some movies, and Rachel McAdams.    
And you used to love Mean Girls.    
  
But above all, you hate photos.    
You hate a certain photo album more than anything else in the world.    
It has a lilac, glossy cover, and it is thick, with good quality charcoal pages.    
It is filled with dried plants, tiny items, notes, receipts, scrawls… and photos.    
Every photo one that Taehyung took of you.    
  
They’re candid masterpieces.    
Most black and white, but some bathing in vibrancy, long exposure making lights around you ethereal.    
  
_ You deserve a halo, angel princess.  _ _   
_ _   
_ The bottom of your face, with lips swollen from kisses, Taehyung’s baby blue shirt from the previous night loose and wrinkled on you, your chin on your bare knee, the sunlight from the window next to you giving you a glow even in the desaturated still.    
  
Your hand, covered in mismatched rings, on the cover of Demian he gifted you, making that copy the fifth one you had, all in different languages. 

  
Your small silhouette in shadow, the brilliant sunset interspersed with clouds in full color above and around you.    
  
Your smiling face illuminated only by the candles on your birthday cake.    
  
Your naked back and a mess of hair all over the pillow as you sleep in messy sheets on a sunny afternoon.    
  
You crying as you cover your mouth, having received news of your accepted scholarship.    
  
The album pretends to know you. Pretends to love you.    
Yet, it is undoubtedly you in those photos, artistry capturing you, all your imperfections kept far away from Photoshop, yet still diminished as they’re never the focus of the photos.    
  
_ You’re my muse and now all these moments are captured forever.  _ _   
_ _   
_ You hate it, and yet you know that you will never throw the album away.    
Because you’ve been through this before.    
You will heal, the hatred will abate.    
And then it will be you, only you, your moments, a time when you were happy and happiness is always something that should be cherished.    
  
Months pass. Seasons roll in and out.    
And sure enough, you feel better.    
  
You go to the library and, after such a long time, read Demian. In German this time around, even though you have a German copy at home. Your German is rusty and your progress is slow, with you checking your phone for translation of the words you don’t understand or can’t recall when a deep voice pulls you out of the world Hesse so expertly weaved.    
  
“ I realize today that nothing in the world is more distasteful to a man than to take the path that leads to himself.”    
  
You lift your gaze and your breath hitches in the fraction of a second it takes for your eyes to focus after being on a page for hours.   
Because, during that split second, you see Taehyung standing before you.    
  
When you blink, it is a different man, his hair lighter, his stature smaller, his chin pointier. His smile is not boxy. He still reminds you of Taehyung and a tendril of hatred wraps itself around your heart.    
  
“That is what you’re reading, isn’t it?” The stranger tilts his head in question, his smile sparkling with colors that snap the tendril without even asking for your permission.    
  
You nod and he chuckles, outstretching his hand with a small bow:   
  
“I’m Baekhyun, and I have been trying to think of the best way to approach you for a couple of hours now.”    
  
You can’t resist the interest bubbling in you:   
  
“And are you satisfied with what you’ve come up with?”    
  
“That depends on whether you want to keep talking with me.”    
  
You glance around, the librarian already shooting daggers in your direction, her index finger on her lips:    
  
“Maybe not here.” You giggle and stand up, going to return the book.    
  
You don’t know why, but you impulsively decide to go take a walk with Baekhyun. Perhaps you missed seeing a face as beautiful as his smiling at you. Perhaps you need someone validating you, if only for an afternoon. Perhaps you decide to embrace what the book told you, about never being afraid of people because such fear can destroy you and stop you from becoming someone decent.    
Perhaps you’re finally ready to become someone decent, and decent people don’t live in hatred of the past.    
  
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.    
  
Baekhyun easily falls into step beside you and smiles again when you tell him your name.    
  
“Have you read Demian?” You inquire and he laughs. You like his laughter, warm, familiar, yet new.    
  
“Never. But thank heavens for Goodreads.”    
  
You frown, although it is not earnest and you’re moments away from laughing:   
  
“So, do you always con your way to a girl’s attention?”    
  
“Only until I can get them to look at my face, that does most of the work for me.”    
  
He winks at you and you roll your eyes, although a small chuckle does leave you.    
  
“What makes you think a pretty face is enough to win me over?”   
  
“Fair point, we did meet at a library, after all. Good thing I am also irresistibly sharp.”    
  
And funny. And smooth.    
Taehyung was not smooth when the two of you met, or even when you went on your first official date two months after meeting. He was stumbling over his words, barely touching his food, and avoiding eye contact. You even had to kiss him first, something you thought you would never do, and reflecting on it all now, you kinda wish you never did.    
  
“Earth to Miss Gorgeous! It’s asking what to revolve around with you absent.”    
  
You stare at Baekhyun incredulously, not believing the pickup line he just used with a straight face. And then you laugh. He wiggles his eyebrows:   
  
“Is that enough funny credits to get your number?”    
  
“I’ll think about it. You’re off to a good start, though.”    
  
You learn that Baekhyun is a music producer. What is it with you and the artists? You also learn that he lives with a roommate named Chanyeol who, according to Baekhyun, half-pays his rent in the gourmet food he makes.    
  
“He owes me enough favors that he could be the personal chef for our dates in the next year, at least!” He winks at you and you think it’s conceited of you, but you revel in being flirted with as hard as he is doing it:   
  
“Do I have your promise that you won’t stop flirting with me even then?” You tease and Baekhyun makes a face like you just asked him a question with the most obvious answer in the world. He places a hand on his chest and lifts his other one:    
  
“I swear on my honor, milady.”    
  
“I don’t even know if you’re honorable at all.”    
  
“Date me and find out.” He responds without missing a beat and you smile, averting your gaze to a shop window you don’t truly see. You never thought this is how your day would have gone, but this is fun.    
  
The two of you end up buying ice cream and eating it on a park bench, chatting all the while, and Baekhyun really is sharp and funny, his sunny personality improving your mood that has been sour for months.    
It is as if the two of you are in a separate little bubble, your past, and all the things awaiting you in your everyday life, don’t exist anymore. This impromptu date is like a vacation and when your cheeks start hurting from how hard you’ve been laughing, and when one of you ends up finishing the other’s sentence for what has to be the 5th time, all the caution in your heart is long gone in the wind.    
  
You end up in Baekhyun’s apartment that evening, and when he happily hums, pulling out plates from the fridge and heating their contents in the microwave, you get to taste Chanyeol’s cooking. It’s superb, and you get to tell him as much when he briefly stops by the apartment just to take a shower and pick up someone named Kyungsoo to go out.    
Even though Chanyeol spends such a short time with the two of you, you get to see just how much he and Baekhyun love each other. It’s in the playful teasing and shoving, it’s in the way he includes you in all your conversations, seeming happy that his roommate is on a date. It’s in the way you even receive an invitation for a game night that Friday, the boys promising many friends will be there.    
  
You have no idea how this happened. How you ended up so quickly in a completely new world with new people. But it feels nice.    
  
You watch a movie with Baekhyun at his place after Chanyeol leaves in a cloud of cologne.    
His sofa is plush and comfortable and he makes tea and brings a blanket. He wraps an arm around you and you’re kissing before the movie is halfway through. His lips are soft and he’s an expert kisser, his small, deft hands rubbing your back and never crossing the edge of appropriate.    
  
And that is how you begin dating.    
You are in awe with yourself when you think about how you never stopped to think about this, how you just accepted Baekhyun like he’s always been there.    
Thought that that might be because he reminds you of Taehyung has crossed your mind, but you pushed it aside.    
Additionally, that could only explain you. It didn’t explain Baekhyun. Why did he start this whole whirlwind the way he did?   
  
You have no plan. Are you serious about Baekhyun? Or will you try to stop your heart from trying to give itself to him for fear of him too breaking it?    
It’s day by day with him, and maybe that is for the best. Maybe big plans just bring big disappointments.    
You had an idea of yourself and Taehyung getting your happily ever after, and even though you never uttered that to anyone, images of a family and white picket fences did dance around your mind.    
And in the end, all you received was this feeling that you were played for a fool.    
So, expecting nothing from Baekhyun might be the wisest course of action. 

  
Well, almost nothing.    
Because, after a few weeks, you start expecting more than the kisses and caresses he’s giving you. His warmth and his vanilla scent make you heady and for a moment, it takes a while for you to register that he’s asked you a question:    
  
“Huh?”    
  
“Would you like to hear a song I am working on?”    
  
He’s played you some of his music before and you’ve enjoyed every song so far, his voice deep, rich, and reminding you of hot chocolate and sunny mornings you are not sure whether you’ve experienced or dreamt up anymore.    
  
Most of his songs are ballads or mellow, so a distinct EDM rhythm at the beginning of the one he now plays surprises you at first.    
And then Baekhyun starts singing the lyrics and with every word that leaves his mouth in the recording, your smile drops.    
  
_ You'll love me forever _

_ That’s what you said, that's what you said to me _

_ Those words linger around me _

_ So how could I let you, let you go, baby? _ _   
_ _   
_ A breath is stuck in your throat and your eyes start watering. You tell yourself that it’s because you forgot to blink for a few moments, but you’re not sure whether that’s true.    
  
_ I know that's not the case, that it’s over _

_ But I still keep, still keep _

_ Holding onto you with the same force _

_ You try to leave me with _ _   
_ _   
_ You look at Baekhyun’s face, illuminated by a lamp in the corner, the shadows on his jawline squaring it up and he has never looked more like Taehyung than in that moment. Never more like your shame and guilt.    
  
_ You said I was your future _

_ Am I now just your past? _

_ You said you only love me, that your heart _

_ Would forever stay by my side _

_ So I gave you my everything _

_ And now are you leaving me? _

_ I'm still waiting for you, my heart will always _

_ Draw you in like gravity _ _   
_ _   
_ You never put up any obstacles to Taehyung contacting you.    
He never did.    
But what would you do if he did? Now? With Baekhyun? A part of you wants to say you would tell Taehyung to choke on a bag of dicks, getting to tell him that the only reason you didn’t block his number. 

But you know you’re not 100% certain of that.    
This song now makes you remember all the promises he made you, whispering on pillows in the night, or kissing you awake in the morning.    
You’re glad Baekhyun decided not to make this a ballad because it would have absolutely shattered your heart.    
His brow is heavy and you wonder whether he is thinking about an unblocked number from his past, too.    
  
_ Your way of speaking, sentences, words _

_ I remember every single one of them _

_ The you of back then is still lingering around me _

_ So how could l let you, let you go, baby? _ _   
_ _   
_ Your face heats up and your throat is tight with a lump lodged in it.    
Would you have started dating Baekhyun, regardless of how awesome he is, if he didn’t look like Taehyung? If he didn’t have a similar voice, a similar sense of humor, a similar way of moving his body when you go dancing?    
Baekhyun is his own person, you know this. But would you have allowed a new person in your life if he didn’t have all those tethers of familiarity with your past?    
  
_ The ‘lie' hidden in the word ‘believe' _

_ I didn't see it, and now I still, I still _

_ Am tricking myself into thinking _

_ It's a lie that you lied to me _ _   
_ _   
_ You smile to yourself, but it is completely mirthless.    
You’re mocking your foolishness, no different now than when you were 17.    
What kind of a stupid lie are you living? What are you trying to accomplish?    
  
The song stops almost abruptly and Baekhyun is pulled from his thoughts, and when he smiles at you, you think his smile is not quite reaching his eyes.   
  
“That’s what I have for now! I am thinking of asking Chanyeol to do the two rap segments I have planned for it, too, I think he’d do a much better job rapping than I ever could. What do you think?”    
  
You take a sip of water to buy some time, blinking away the wetness from your eyes. When you finally speak, your voice sounds alien even to you:    
  
“The lyrics are very sad, but the song itself is very upbeat. It is an interesting contrast.”    
  
Baekhyun’s nose scrunches slightly and he is silent for a while, finally heaving a deep sigh when he finds his words:   
  
“I wrote the lyrics a while ago and they just sat there until I was finally ready to write music for t hem. I no longer think they merit a ballad.”    
  
You nod, swallowing, your next words slow:   
  
“Do you have someone that your heart still draws in like gravity?”    
  
You both avoid each other’s gazes and you hear the sad smile in Baekhyun’s voice:   
  
“Yes.”    
  
It doesn’t hurt as much as you thought it would:   
  
“So do I.”    
  
“I know. I can see it written all over your face with how you keep catching yourself when you realize you’re too familiar. Do I remind you of that person?”    
  
“Yes.” You whisper.    
  
“Do I…?”   
  
“No. I approached you specifically because you are so different from her.”    
  
Silence. You almost wish for him to play the song again with how uncomfortable this silence is.   
  
“I played this song for you today because I wanted us to come clean. I made it over the last few days and it is this upbeat because you make me feel that way. But, I needed closure and I needed to make this song.”    
  
You are confused. He chuckles, barely audibly, but you hear it:   
  
“Yes, I still feel sad and I still am not over her. But, at the same time, every day with you heals me little by little, and I really like you. I approached you at an imperfect time, but I am so glad I did. If you’d like, we can heal each other and maybe create a perfect time by ourselves.” 

  
You finally look up at him, entwining your fingers with his.    
You feel like a rotten piece of something finally broke off of your heart and drifted away, smooth, soft waves carrying it until it is out of your sight, like driftwood in an ocean.    
Baekhyun’s hand is about the same size as yours, warm and fitting nicely.    
  
“Would you like to take a selfie with me, Baek?”    
  
His brows raise in surprise and you shrug:   
  
“I used to be alone in pictures a lot, and maybe pictures are symbols of reality in a way. I want you in my pictures.”    
  
He smiles at you and kisses your nose:   
  
“Just don’t whine when my head looks smaller than yours.”    
  
You swat him playfully as you take your phone out.    
The two of you end up taking several pictures that day. 

And the next day.   
And the next.    
  
It soon becomes kind of your tradition, to take at least one selfie every time you see each other. You even wear matching outfits in many of them, and you realize, several months later when you take a sleepy selfie with him in your bed, your naked shoulders and marked necks definitely not Instagram-safe, that you love photos again.    
  
Because now you also love Baekhyun.    
Maybe the saying that the line between love and hate is thin goes both ways. 


End file.
